Growing up... finally!

Recently I heard a talk show host responding to a caller’s statement that, “I can’t stop thinking about how much my ex-husband has hurt me.”  The talk show host responded by asking the caller to close her eyes and think about a big, yellow, speckled, ripe banana. Then the caller was instructed to think of a child’s shiny new red toy wagon.  Lastly, she was told to imagine a beautiful pink, fragrant rose in full bloom.  The caller agreed that she “saw” these images in her mind.  And then the talk show host told her that, indeed, she had just chosen to think on something besides the pain from her ex-husband. Well, my goodness how many times have I said to myself, “I can’t forget (the emotional wound of the day)” or I hurt because of what so and so said to me. Me, me, me! I just can’t stop thinking about me! 

This morning I had a “show stopper” moment, a revelation from the Lord that, no doubt, He has tried to teach me before.  But I am a stubborn and self-centered gal, and sometimes God must roll his eyes and simply sigh with exasperation at my attitudes. Fortunately he sticks with me, despite myself.

The moment came as I read a morning devotional by Jan Silvius entitled “My Favorite Bad Feeling”. Jan wrote about our human penchant to immediately dive into our childhood comfort zones when life challenges us. She wrote,  “If we can’t control anything else in our lives, we can control what we think about. But when we have been buffeted by a situation that throws us, it is easy to abdicate our control  and go to our “favorite bad feeling.” That’s the feeling we went to as a child because we learned that it helped us get what we wanted. Once you are an adult, you will find that it is the first place your mind rushes when there is something troubling on your mental radar screen.

Some of us cry, some pout, some sleep, some eat chocolate, some go shopping, some withdraw, and some slam doors, some clean house, some sit and stare. You could probably fill in your own favorite bad feeling. But you don’t have to respond that way, you can choose not to go there. Circumstances rarely change, but how you feel about the circumstances can change dramatically.

How you feel is up to you, not to anyone else in your life. Peace is the result of choosing to focus your mind on what is true and honorable and right. When you choose to do that, it is amazing how much peace will overtake your mind and heart.”*

So after ruminating on Jan’s lesson for 24 hours, I ask myself this morning, “What will I do differently because of what I have learned?”

Well, of course God gave me an opportunity to implement this lesson right away when a co-worker said something that inadvertently hurt my feelings and, instead of kicking into that childhood comfort zone, I CHOSE TO say, "Hey, that comment kinda threw me under the bus." My co-worker responded, "Did I leave tire tracks? I’m sorry!" We both chuckled at the light hearted reply, and then worked out the issue and all was well. Holy diffused emotions, Batman! What freedom! What blessing!  That was so easy!

Now  I must give credit to a mature colleague who responded well to my expressed concern. That helped a lot (note to self: hang out with people who are mature and transparent and faith-filled). But the most important thing for me was to step out in faith and maturity, state what I thought in a polite manner and be willing to discuss the situation openly and fairly instead of diving into my childhood comfort zone of self-protection.  

That was a wonderful experience for me, and a small step in a more mature direction. The emotions that I usually let myself  wallow in (yes, that’s my choice—ouch!) were immediately diffused and I will not spend the rest of my day in “wound licker” mode.  I like this!

So what about the banana and the wagon and the rose?  Well, in my spaghetti thinking mind, I was tying those lessons together with two passages of the Word that suddenly gained clarity for me: Philippians 4:8, “Finally . . . whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.“  This passage tells me that I CHOOSE WHAT I DWELL ON! Now that may be obvious to a lot of you, but not to me before now, apparently.   And 1 Corinthians 13:9, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a (wo)man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”  God was telling me, sweetie, it’s time to grow up—put your big girl panties on and don't behave like a brat. Yes, he was!

You see, for months I have been praying for peace:  peace in my days, peace in my heart and mind, no matter what my circumstances.  I was waiting for God to drop it magically somehow on my doorstep.  All the while, God's Word was saying that peace of mind is within my grasp, if I will simply choose what thoughts I focus on.  My mind is mine alone, and no one can place an emotion there for me. I do it all myself.  God is calling me to step up my maturity level, thinking about the right things and choosing not to linger in the mud pit of unforgiveness and unkind attitudes because I am not a child.  With growing up comes responsibility, for sure, but also the immeasurable freedom of walking in contentment and peace, knowing that the God who made me and loves me is with me every step of the way.

I invite you to take that step of faith today, out of your childhood comfort zone and into the freedom and wonder of God’s blessed peace. Its only one decision away, and only you can make it.

*Excerpted from A Grand New Day © 2008 by Thomas Nelson. Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Used with permission. All rights reserved.