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“The heart of grief, its most difficult challenge, is not ‘letting go’ of those who have died, but instead making the transition from loving in presence to loving in separation.”
~ Thomas Attig
On January 6th we celebrated our grandson’s 3rd birthday by meeting at the Greenlawn Southwest cemetery at 7 PM. we set candles around his gravestone, and at 7:14PM, the time he was born, we sang a lovely song for him that my son wrote. Then we lit candles on little cupcakes my daughter and I made with little Curious George rings on top of each one. We sang “Happy Birthday” and a pastor from our son’s church shared a brief devotional about grief and God’s deep love for us. It was a precious time. We left the candles (in votive containers) burning at the site as we released balloons for Lance and shared in the solace of the evening with each other.
Afterward we went to In ‘n Out Burgers across the street, and my daughter, Rachel, took the leftover cupcakes and shared them with some customers including a large family of kids who were having dinner there. The little kids loved it, and it was a most satisfying way to use up the cupcakes while reveling in the joy on those smiling children’s faces. She even gave one to a tough looking young man with strange piercings on his head who was sitting in a booth in a corner, and he asked why she was passing out the goodies. My daughter explained that they were from her nephew’s 3rd birthday celebration across the street at the cemetery, because he had died last summer. This big though looking guy got all teary and was clearly moved as he accepted a cupcake to remember Lance by. It was most touching, heartwarming, and comforting.
People really do care, but they often do not know how to express it or grapple with their own feelings about death and loss. For me, I have come to trust God more fully today, understanding that if I could see where Lance is now, I would not wish him back to this world no matter how much I miss him. Even so, my heart hasn’t quite grasped how to love my grandson in separation.
~ Thomas Attig
On January 6th we celebrated our grandson’s 3rd birthday by meeting at the Greenlawn Southwest cemetery at 7 PM. we set candles around his gravestone, and at 7:14PM, the time he was born, we sang a lovely song for him that my son wrote. Then we lit candles on little cupcakes my daughter and I made with little Curious George rings on top of each one. We sang “Happy Birthday” and a pastor from our son’s church shared a brief devotional about grief and God’s deep love for us. It was a precious time. We left the candles (in votive containers) burning at the site as we released balloons for Lance and shared in the solace of the evening with each other.
Afterward we went to In ‘n Out Burgers across the street, and my daughter, Rachel, took the leftover cupcakes and shared them with some customers including a large family of kids who were having dinner there. The little kids loved it, and it was a most satisfying way to use up the cupcakes while reveling in the joy on those smiling children’s faces. She even gave one to a tough looking young man with strange piercings on his head who was sitting in a booth in a corner, and he asked why she was passing out the goodies. My daughter explained that they were from her nephew’s 3rd birthday celebration across the street at the cemetery, because he had died last summer. This big though looking guy got all teary and was clearly moved as he accepted a cupcake to remember Lance by. It was most touching, heartwarming, and comforting.
People really do care, but they often do not know how to express it or grapple with their own feelings about death and loss. For me, I have come to trust God more fully today, understanding that if I could see where Lance is now, I would not wish him back to this world no matter how much I miss him. Even so, my heart hasn’t quite grasped how to love my grandson in separation.
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